Kardashian’s Marriage…..and ours.

Everyone knows Kim Kardashian wed NBA star Kris Humphries this past Saturday in a lavish ceremony.

Their dating to married time only equals 9 months.

Yet the shows rating, interest in the wedding and more, have brought in a lot of money,  interest and ever increasing social exposure.

It seems the couple actually made money getting married through sponsors, donations, photos rights and an upcoming televised ceremony.

Most of us have very little in common with the socialite in the ways of funds, exposure (or over-exposure), life luxuries and the like, yet being married has many commonalities.

Due to her Hollywood status, this being her second marriage, and their short courtship, Kims marriage to Kris Humphries is more likely to end in divorce than the main stream American marriage.

First marriages have around a 34% chance of leading to divorce.  When one adds a second marriage to the mix, the statistics worsen.

Psychology Today stated that a whopping 60% of remarriages fail.  And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.

These statistic may cause us to ask “Why marry in the first place?”

The most common themes in marital conflict are:

Finances, Children and Sex.

Kim’s first husband, music producer Damon Thomas, has publicly noted her shopaholic tendencies and financial over-indulgences which contributed to the demise of their marriage.

Marriages face many additional challenges when a person doesn’t truly understand who they are as an individual: spiritually/emotionally/physically.

This can lead to conflicts surrounding jealousy, roles, dependency, control, anger issues,  unrealistic expectations, insecurities and more.

An added element is how marriage has changed over just the past 100 years: the age of marriage, courtship times, partnership selection, children born, the role of women, and general martial expectations.

Past expectations appear to be financial, housing, large families, women staying in the home or helping with the farm, and family stability.

Our current expectations have changed along with our changing world.

We have dual careers, wait later in life to marry, delay having children and reduce the amount of children each couple has, financial security, and of course marry for love.

We even expect our spouse to be our spiritual, emotional, and sexual equal to enhance our lives on a daily basis.

These changing as well as unrealistic expectations may be the springboard for divorce.

In a marriage, two individuals from different backgrounds attempt to make a life together.  Many want their partner to mold to fit their historical pattern, continue to maintain a high level of lust and attraction, meet their communication, chore, role, financial and emotional needs.

When our partners don’t fit that mold, wish list, and expectations, it will often lead to long term miserable marriages or divorce.

Strong marriages utilize problem solving skills, respect differences, encourage the others individuality and interest, balance roles, communicate, and create a support network that helps to meet their individual and marital needs.

Marriages are tough, even with the best of partners.

We can feel stuck, stifled, and bored. 

A spouse is not 1/2 of who we are.

Their job isn’t to complete us.

There will not be a knight in shining armor coming to your rescue. (maybe in rusty armor that’s a lot of fun, has shared values, is safe, empowering and loving)

Its easy to have ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ mode of thinking, yet my response is ‘you have to mow it all the same’ (even if you want to roll in the grass, smell it and taste it- monotony, boredom, frustrations and conflicts will occur).

When we look at our partner as an individual with many differences, care about them, encourage them to be the best they can be, focus on problem solving,  our own self care, compromise, communication, and a strong social network for support, and define what the marriage is for us, we will increase the chances of our martial success.

Marriage isn’t to be defined by the church or society.

You and your spouse decide what is the right fit, values, morals, and activities that work best for the two of you.

A spouse is a compliment to who we are, a team mate, a life partner, one of which can help us grow emotionally, spiritually and even intellectually at times.

So we have something in common with Mrs. Kim Kardashian-Humphries…..marriage.

One hard, long-term commitment.

Yet with effort, practice, respect, compassion, compromise, and fun, you may actually really enjoy it!

About Anton Therapy

As a psychotherapist specializing in sexual concerns, I believe that communication and compromise, with a playful and open attitude are key components to a healthy intimate life. I infuse compassion, enthusiasm and a collaborative approach in treatment that puts clients at ease in discussing such personal topics. I hope this blog helps to open your mind, promote healthy sex, and encourages you to have a desire for intimacy and life! View all posts by Anton Therapy

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